Fog, Rain, and Wind

I don't know how to describe my feelings as of the past 3-4 days. The best I can do is: apathetic, or depressed. I've had little to no appetite. Everything makes me upset... every little thing. Not angry-upset, but just... I feel like nothing is going well, and that it wont, ever.
I cried for a straight hour last night. Dallas had taken me out to dinner at El Camino on Hwy 4, and even still, I didn't want to see him at all really. We walked out to the parking lot, and before I headed to my car, he asked, "Meet you at your house?"... and like a straight asshole I said, "Actually... I'm going to Vera's cousin's house." When I arrived there, Vera was laughing with her cousin and his girlfriend, and I was just so fogged over that I left because I knew I would cry at any second.
Understandably, I guess, Dallas had had enough of this, and was letting me have it over some text messages. I (still) need to work on my communication skills. I thought I'd gotten over that but... I was wrong.
I never really talk to Dallas about anything, at all. Especially in the last several days when it may have been most helpful. When I did try though, he made me feel like shit... telling me to stop being so negative, and saying "i tried to talk so don't say i didn't". THAT bullshit does not make me want to talk to you. That makes me want to run in the opposite direction. I really get worked up when people can't level with me. I know I shouldn't, but I do. That's me. I'll just curl up in a fucking ball... its not exciting. And... my go-to Astrology website had some fucking sour news for me this month. And I know its extremely self-sabotaging, but that website has been dead-on about everything for the past 6-7 months.

"Next, you will need to brace for a potentially low day. On Sunday, March 8, Saturn will oppose the Sun, and at that time, a partner is likely to become a source of woe. Saturn will have pushed a dark cloud over your head, making your perspective too negative. Someone's words or criticism may hurt you, or you may feel you are being treated or judged unfairly.

If you have been shouldering too many burdens lately, you may be tired and not in any shape to stand up for yourself. Be sure you get enough rest before you enter this weekend because otherwise, sheer exhaustion may darken your viewpoint and inhibit your ability to cope. You won't have the whole story about the partner you are focused on for a few more days, but you will on the full moon. Don't decide anything quite yet.

On March 10, the full moon in Virgo may bring unexpected news about or from a romantic or business partner, and what you learn won't likely be pretty. This full moon will be fraught with emotion and you will need to struggle to remain objective. Because all full moons can deliver news within a four-day period of their appearance, the whole week could turn out to be emotionally charged and exhausting.

The person in question may be your marriage partner or someone you have dated exclusively a long time. You might live together, or not. Alternatively the person you will be thinking about could be your ex (or soon-to-be ex) or someone you depend on financially. If your romantic alliance is strong, this full moon may shine a light on a business partner, or a serious collaborator such as an agent, publicist, manager, or investor.

Admittedly, the March 10 full moon in Virgo will not be easy. The moon will conjoin Saturn, suggesting you'll feel depressed or be concerned, frustrated, or angry with someone close. A partner may unexpectedly display qualities or behavior that may be painful to see. You may find out about things that have gone on behind the scenes that you never knew were happening. Saturn can create isolation, so it's possible you and your partner will separate or break up. If so, with the moon so afflicted, if you have been living together, one of you may move out."

Anyways.... this weekend has an amazing possibility. My mom and I share a birthday week (her's is March 7th, and mine is March 13th), so we were thinking about having a combined family birthday dinner this year. And if I recall correctly, my grandparents promised me $1000 for my 21st birthday. Then I will finally be able to have a new digital SLR... and things will flow smoothly once again. My horoscope also suggested I make appointments asap... so I think I'll: schedule my kitten's neutering, schedule a meeting with the financial advisors at CCA, and email my teachers to let them know I'm still alive.

As for the current situation with my boyfriend Dallas, I told him not to see me today. Thank you hormones, or whatever is making me this way.