Very little

Yesterday, I had a busy hour and a half of work, which mainly consisted of steaming milk to 140 degrees and asking questions like, "This much?" and "Is that right?". I was also shown how to use the register, its not so bad.
I took a two hour nap after work, even though I was hungry... mostly because both my parents were home, and I hate coming home smelling like smoke and having to talk to them. So I went straight upstairs and forced myself to sleep.
Around 4pm I went to Vera's house, ready to gym it up. About 20 minutes later, we ended up skipping the gym and eating half of a blackberry-raspberry-strawberry tart cake thing. Worth it. Four hours later, we had gotten ready and had our fill of coffee & cigarettes at her table in the garage, and were on our way into the night.
First stop-- picking up stoges and 40s at AmPm. Second stop-- picking up Erik from a bar in Discovery Bay. Totally out of the way but, it's all good. Third stop-- picking up Juan from his house back in Oakley. Finally, we were on our way to Davis. We arrived at Anthony's apartment in Davis at around.... I dunno, 10:30pm, for his roommate's 21st birthday party. Cut-out anchors, construction paper posters, and banners were strewn about and taped to the walls. The mixture of people was shallow and although we enjoyed ourselves, the party got old after about 2 hours. Cops were called, people were fucked up (definitely including miss Vera!), and sober people were forced to drive. I guess while I was enveloped in eating my Wendy's, I missed seeing Vera barf out of the window in front of me. Damn! Soon, we were at Erik's apartment in Sacramento.
Even though I somehow remembered to drink a bottle of water before I went to sleep, I felt my heart pounding inside my head when I woke up. Between thoughts of "I think I might yack", I managed a couple gulps of water, which I'm sure helped in the long run. Next to my large headache, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that read, "sup cumdumpster" from 3:45am. I knew he was drunk, and we'd been having confusing/frustrating text conversations for the past few days. Little did I know, it was only the beginning to my frustration towards him today. I felt so shitty in that first hour of waking up, that I couldn't even smoke my cigarette. That is one of the Top 10 worst feelings in the world.

Vera and I got back from the drive and taking the boys home at around 1pm. We just about finished the rest of that tart, and I made coffees for Vera, her dad, and myself. She and I sat in the open garage, talked for a while, and stared out into the framed overcast view from our seats. Throughout the hungover haze of the day, we: caught glimpses of The Natural, Much Ado About Nothing, Across the Universe, and the Mexican; ate some shrimp and noodles with yummy sauces on it (then soon regretted it), did a crossword in the Star magazine, and smoked. Finally Dominic(!) came over around 6 and we all hungout in the garage and shared stories from the past couple months. During this time, I had started to receive frequent calls from Dallas, but everytime I answered I couldn't hear a thing. I knew, however, that he was drunk, because one of the few texts we had exchanged today was that he was drunk at a birthday party, around lunchtime. Anyway, he kept calling over and over and over. I think around the 10th call, I actually heard a voice on the other end, so I jumped out of my seat and tried to hear more clearly. Still nothing. A few calls later, I had caught a few sentences, but nothing coherent. He was obviously drunk, upset for some reason, and I couldn't catch why. All I heard was "fuck" this and "fuck" that over and over, and it was seemingly directed at me. I was actually beginning to get worried, and then I remembered that this is not too out of the ordinary.

(I'm watching SNL, and I seriously love Andy Samberg. He just played Mark Wahlberg in the Neil Patrick Harris monologue haha :])

Anyway, finally Dallas's friend Scott texted me and let me know that Dallas was just really drunk and getting worked up, but Scott knew it wasn't my fault. I offered to meet them where they were, just to patch things up a little I guess. Almost immediately when I pulled up, I regretted it. I'm parallel parking, and Dallas is stumbling to my car with a beer in his hand. The next several minutes was myself asking him to stand up, and him not doing a very good job of it. Nor did he form a complete sentence or have a coherent thought. Scott walked over to me and I just turned and walked away from the stumbling mumbling mess. Scott let me know that he heard all the conversations Dallas had with me, because I was on speaker-phone, and knew Dallas was merely too drunk to realize what was going on. For a moment, we stood there together in silence and watched Dallas aimlessly wander in circles in the street, running into cars and sometimes punching or kicking them. About 10 minutes later, after various tries on Scott's part to get Dallas into the car, I decided to leave. I knew Scott would make sure Dallas was safe, and I felt no need to try and help. And not once yet have I felt bad for thinking that.
Twenty minutes or so ago, I was eating spaghetti in my kitchen when Dallas called again. I tried to tell him I was at home eating, then he asked me to go to Nick's house, where he was. I told him I had to go to bed soon, I have work tomorrow morning at 9am. Suddenly I was hearing "well fuck you then", and he said it a couple times. I hung up.

I'm gonna try to sleep now.

Futurism

Yesterday, on a walk with my mother between classes, we discussed my school career. This "career" of mine has never felt like it was on track, to me anyway. I've been to three different colleges in 3 years. It's been fun, but it's also been ridiculous.
We talked about how her own experiences have been so much different than mine. For example, she left her home at 17, didn't go to college, and has been working ever since. In a nutshell, she asked me to please figure my shit out. My mom wants me to be happy and wants me to not feel like school is a waste, because I currently do feel that way.
Afterwards, I went to Vera's for a good ol' chat. We talked about a lot-- what we've been through, and how it can help us now with what we want to achieve. During the conversation I realized how happy I would be busting my ass in photography. And when I've got my heart full from that, I can keep going to school for things like Art History, or whatever I may choose then. The art school I've always had my heart set on is CCA in Oakland. Today I plan to find out what it takes to get a loan, and things of that nature. Vera and I also decided we should get a place in Oakland or that area, and I'm now beginning to feel a little happier about my situation. I'm glad to have someone like her in my life.
Around 6pm, Lloyd, Vera's father, who I consider to be fairly wise and honest, let me know that it would be best to drop the class I should've been leaving for at that time. It was the answer I'd been waiting to hear from someone, someone who agreed with me. If the best I can get in a class is 75%, then why bother? I then stayed until midnight eating a delicious pesto-chicken-pasta dinner, playing Scrabble, watching Family Guy, and indirectly ignoring my boyfriend.
I hadn't talked to him all day... since about 2pm, anyway. He texted me at 8. You could (or maybe you couldn't) imagine he was a little off-put when he found out I was again at Vera's instead of spending time with him... Is it wrong that I don't care too much? At this point in my life, I'm not going to distance myself from my close friends. If nothing else, I'd like to be accepted into a loving household rather than disregarded in a hostile one.
Anyway... we exchanged a handful of text messages last night, and a couple today. No loving words, no i-miss-you's, nothing... I'm not in the greatest mood because of it, but I'm not upset or overjoyed either. The past few days I've been so overwhelmed with thought, that I haven't really given him any. I feel weird about it. We've been together for 6 months now. We should still be fresh, exciting, fun, and at least loving... I dont get it. My mom told me, "not everyone is meant for each other". I don't really want to accept that fact right now.

Today I was awoken at 5:50am by Vera, who informed me she'd be at my house to get me around 6:30am. Last night we planned to get up, go with her dad to his dialysis center, and hangout/exercise while he was receiving treatment.
We frequented in and out of the building as we got food, smoked, and jogged. The jog session was about an hour and a half, and my thighs are still throbbing. Vera helped her dad's medical assistant in some tube changing as I tried not to vomit, and I'm so white that I got a little sun-kissed on the jog.





His treatment finished early, so we took off and headed for Its A Grind to refill our decaffeinated souls... Then filled a prescription at Kaiser, and bought some yumyums at Safeway, before they took me home. Now I'm here... feeling absolutely grungy, and exhausted. I'd like to nap, but I'd also like to be so tired that I want to sleep early, in order to get up early again for work at 7:30 tomorrow morning. We'll see. Goodnight.

Asking to be asked.

Cigarettes. Cancer stick or social butterfly?
Today, as many times before in my life, I was sitting having a cigarette, when a guy came up to me. "Mind if I bum one?" It was a new pack so I didn't mind. This particular time, the guy was seemingly trying to impress me. Since I had just gotten out of my women's psychology class, I took to noticing all of the masculinity he was projecting at me. I learned several things in the two minutes we spoke:
-He needed a cigarette.
-He needed a lighter.
-He's getting a new tattoo soon, of a biblical lyric.
-He's religious.
-His woman-friend will be tattooing him.
-He'd been to jail, where he was unable to have a cell phone.
-Now he has a new cell phone.
-He's taking oceanography, criminology, fitness, flag football, and three others which I now forget.
-Aside from the massive amount of classes, he holds down four jobs.
-He makes 4k a week from his jobs.

I then decided I knew enough, and kindly excused myself because I would be late for class.
These types of people, for whatever reason, are either extremely talkative and friendly, or just desperately need validation of some kind. I didn't give him that validation.

Count the headlights on the highway.

Last night, Vera and I talked for about 2 hours about past guys. Its so interesting how a few years, a few months, or even a few hours affects who we are now. So so many stories....
I'm pretty excited to turn 21. Not that I have crazy money to celebrate with, but I'm just ready for the new world of bars and all that comes with it. And from what I've heard/witnessed, it's a time to be had. And no, I don't currently feel saddened because I am "missing out".
I'm feeling incredibly behind in half of my classes: speech and photography. I think I might drop speech, its super lame. I could easily catch up in photography, but I've been ever-so lazy. I've never felt like an idiot before in a photo class, and let me tell you its not fun to feel like you "suck" or "can't do" something you very much enjoy.
I've taken to playing Scrabble with Vera and her family. Games are usually accompanied with red wine and slices of apples and parmesean. Oh, bonding.
Last night, I brought up the fact (to Vera) that not only had I spent Valentine's with her, my boyfriend and I had also forgotten our own anniversary. It makes my stomach twist a little thinking about it, but other than that I'm at ease. What's wrong with me? After some verbal observation, I realized I'm in that rut. Not the stuck-rut, but the comfortable-rut. The comfortable-rut allows relationships an excess of carelessness and one-sided arguments. Now, how do I go about solving something like this? I'm too stubborn to admit I'm boring, or unthoughtful, or a "bad" girlfriend... Because I'm not. But, what happened? I still get butterflies when I see him, but after those initial few minutes, its the same routine of: making something to eat, sitting in my bed to watch television, messing around, and going home. I love my boyfriend, but I am unaware of where to begin to fix this.
I guess I'm glad I was buzzed enough last night to bring it up to him. Today, hopefully there will be answers.

Kill Bill

The Kill Bill movies are really "up there" in my favorite movies of all time. I've been watching Vol.2 for about an hour now and, it blows me away every time! The best aspect of every Tarantino movie is the dialogue-- unique and memorable as hell. 

Today is the Oscars... not that I really care but, its fun to watch. 

I enjoy people-watching. I like to observe the mannerisms of others and physical reactions to certain situations. I think its what makes an actor.

Thoughts?

I figured since I have few other things to say as of late, I'd show and tell about my past week and a half of life. First, from my trusty camera-phone.




I spent my Valentine's day with my best friend, Vera, and her family instead of my boyfriend. Sorry!

The next day we went to the J. Paul Getty Museum.

The drive home was terrible because: 1) I was severely hungover, 2) I didn't know it yet, but I had contracted Strep throat, who knows how.
The next several days consisted of me eating cold things (like Jamba Juice) and wishing I had a pipe-cleaner covered in ice cream to scratch my throat with.



I've now successfully missed another day of school. The next time I have class, it will have been 2 whole weeks since my last appearance there. Oooops.
Whatever, now I feel 100% better, and I'm going to go visit my best friend, so we can make coffee-talk with cigarettes.

ONE

Blog number one!

I just had my first day of being trained at It's A Grind today, after being sick all week with strep throat. AWESOME!